Persistent resistance to change is the biggest warning sign of a partner that will be difficult to be in a relationship with (Learn more about this in our online singles course, Head Meets Heart).
Here are some common statements that should sound the alarms that your partner may be resistant to change:
– I AM WHO I AM, TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME
– IF IT’S MEANT TO BE, IT WILL JUST BE
– I’VE TRIED EVERYTHING*, THIS IS WHO I AM (*ACTUALLY NOT TRIED MUCH AT ALL)
– I’D CHANGE, BUT YOU KEEP DOING XYZ
– YOU’RE JUST SENSITIVE, HIGH MAINTENANCE, HAVE TOO HIGH OF EXPECTATIONS, ETC.
– RELATIONSHIPS JUST SHOULDN’T REQUIRE THIS MUCH WORK
If you’re noticing frustration in your relationship when it comes to your partner being open to growth and personal change pay attention to:
-Is there a pattern of defensiveness when it comes to change?
-Is your partner ever receptive and open to change. When have you noticed this openness?
The bottom line is, most things can be worked on if partners come to the relationship with a willingness to develop and hear one another out.
So, if you notice any of these statements appearing up when you try to address any issues you have in your relationship, think about whether or not this is situational or a pattern.
It is understandable if someone sometimes gets defensive, or sometimes doesn’t understand your request for change, BUT if this is a pervasive pattern this is a BIG DEAL.
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P.S. If you are noticing a pattern of resistance in your partner, it may be time for a big talk. Check out the post on Strategies for Managing Difficult Conversations.